The Larger Issue

Negative body talk is something that I have been working on privately for about a year now. I am slowly learning to view my body through “different eyes” where I do not have disproportionately large hips and thighs, but where I am a healthy human being. This assignment was the first concrete exercise I’ve done in this area, but many of the concepts (if not the names) were already familiar to me. I suffer most from “unfair-to-compare” against an internalized “perfect woman” (as I discussed in a previous assignment), magnifying glass distortion, beauty bound distortion, and moody mirror distortion as described in this exercise. In writing out the individual helpsheets I recognized both the progress I have made and the road I have left to travel.

I couple of years ago I read an interesting article in Cosmopolitan magazine. It said that in our current society women are encouraged to be negative about their own body image by other women. In a social group of women, one woman will say something negative about her appearance, and the rest of the women are under a social obligation to say something negative about themselves in return. Someone making a positive statement about their appearance is ostracized from the group, further encouraging the negative statements as almost a “right of passage.” One of the clearest examples I can think of to demonstrate this is a scene in the movie Mean Girls where Lindsay Lohan’s character is first introduced to this concept. Her inner voice says that she had previously always thought there was nothing wrong with the way she looked, but she gave into the peer pressure of the “plastics” (the popular “perfect” girls) to make negative statements about herself. I remember in high school being surrounded by girls vocalizing negative statements about their appearance. In this type of social atmosphere it is no wonder that women and girls today have such distorted personal body images.

I think there are two big things that can be done to discourage this type of negative body talk among others (and indeed, for ourselves). The first and most important step to take is to not encourage such type of talk. This can be done most effectively by not participating in “pity parties” such as the type I described in the above chapter. If someone makes a negative body comment in such a situation, counter with both a positive statement about that person and about yourself. When people hear positive comments on a regular basis, it is more difficult to allow the negative to have hold of our thoughts and feelings.


The second thing that can be done is not dismiss the negative comments out of hand. If a friend or family member routinely makes negative comments about their own bodies, it may be a cry for help. The thought changes discussed in this exercise are difficult to follow through with, so help received from an outside source can be invaluable. Start by picking a relaxing setting and begin perhaps with the observation “I notice that you often make negative comments about your appearance. Is there something deeper that you might need to talk about?” Sticking up for the unconditional worth of others in addition to yourself can be a powerful force that gives them the help and support they need to effect positive changes in their internal perceptions of their appearance.

Searching For Balance

As this school term is winding down, I feel I am less and less balanced, which is affecting my entire life. I swing like a pendulum between school work all the time to complete school work avoidance. I feel like I am spiraling out of control, and I have nothing to reach out and grab hold of to arrest my spin and fall.

Except that I do have things to reach out and grab hold of. One of the things I'm doing to bring balance back to my life is attending Aikido. Even when I feel like I'm going to be swallowed whole by a never ending string of assignments, I go to Aikido. This hour twice a week helps to ground me back in reality. It reaffirms that I can fall and get back up, and that there is more than one way to deal with an attack or problem. I also feel more energized after the intense mental and physical exercize, which allows me to takcle my assignments with new verve.

Another thing I am doing to return balance to my life is to read something non-school related before bed. I have switched to taking a shower at night, which helps to relax tense muscles in preparation for sleep. To relax my mind, I pick up a copy of National Geographic and read for at least half an hour in bed before turning off the light. This allows me to place distance between myself and my work. Since returning to this practice, I find I am sleeping more soundly and waking with less difficulty.

I am learning to say "no" to people who place demands on my time. When I have an assignment that needs to be finished, or when I just need time to myself to unwind, I do not allow myself to feel obligated to participate in group activities.

And finally, I am achieving balance again by having daily knitting time. Even if I only get a few rows done, I let myself get caught in the rhythm of the stitches, and of the movement of the needles. I am also knitting for myself again, instead of commissions. By doing this I don't feel the obligation to "get it done" and I can truly enjoy the process. This unwinding is akin to reading in bed, it gives me distance from the stressful parts of my life. I am currently working on a pair of socks using handpainted yarn and my own pattern design.

I am also realizing that balance is something that takes continual concentration and mindfulness. Now I'm off to class, where one of my idols is giving a guest lecture today.

Time Management

There are many things in my life that I excell at. I'm a prodigious reader, an accomplished knitter, and a devoted student.

I am not good at time management. Duirng parts of my life, this wasn't so much of an issue. Now that I'm in graduate school, I am constantly fighting with myself over time management.

I am continuosly trying to find balance between a number of activities, including:

homework
knitting
desinging
web management
aikido
housework
cooking
exercise
sleep
socializing
jewelry making
photography
photo editing
grocery shopping

Currently, I consider myself to be "on top" of things if I manage to, inside of a week, get all of my school reading and homework completed, attend one aikido class, get a couple hours of knitting in, and wake up feeling rested at least one day a week. I know I could fit more in, too, which is the frustrating part.

When I was an undergraduate, I made a weekly schedule detailing what homework and activites would be done on which days. This method worked well for me then, and I have managed to mimic it with homework deliniation in my current planner, but I had a lot less on my plate back then. For a short time while I was between schools, I had a weekly chore calendar and I mananged to stick with it for several months. Then after I lost Mia, I just stopped doing that.

The problem I'm having with useing these methods now is that I often have unexpected events crop up that confound the entire schedule. Also, there's often so much to do that I literally don't know where to start. As a result, I flail around and very little ends up being accomplished.

I know that time management is a skill that I will have to work on developing, and it is an important skill for me to have if I want to continued to be diverse in my interests and activities.