The Larger Issue

Negative body talk is something that I have been working on privately for about a year now. I am slowly learning to view my body through “different eyes” where I do not have disproportionately large hips and thighs, but where I am a healthy human being. This assignment was the first concrete exercise I’ve done in this area, but many of the concepts (if not the names) were already familiar to me. I suffer most from “unfair-to-compare” against an internalized “perfect woman” (as I discussed in a previous assignment), magnifying glass distortion, beauty bound distortion, and moody mirror distortion as described in this exercise. In writing out the individual helpsheets I recognized both the progress I have made and the road I have left to travel.

I couple of years ago I read an interesting article in Cosmopolitan magazine. It said that in our current society women are encouraged to be negative about their own body image by other women. In a social group of women, one woman will say something negative about her appearance, and the rest of the women are under a social obligation to say something negative about themselves in return. Someone making a positive statement about their appearance is ostracized from the group, further encouraging the negative statements as almost a “right of passage.” One of the clearest examples I can think of to demonstrate this is a scene in the movie Mean Girls where Lindsay Lohan’s character is first introduced to this concept. Her inner voice says that she had previously always thought there was nothing wrong with the way she looked, but she gave into the peer pressure of the “plastics” (the popular “perfect” girls) to make negative statements about herself. I remember in high school being surrounded by girls vocalizing negative statements about their appearance. In this type of social atmosphere it is no wonder that women and girls today have such distorted personal body images.

I think there are two big things that can be done to discourage this type of negative body talk among others (and indeed, for ourselves). The first and most important step to take is to not encourage such type of talk. This can be done most effectively by not participating in “pity parties” such as the type I described in the above chapter. If someone makes a negative body comment in such a situation, counter with both a positive statement about that person and about yourself. When people hear positive comments on a regular basis, it is more difficult to allow the negative to have hold of our thoughts and feelings.


The second thing that can be done is not dismiss the negative comments out of hand. If a friend or family member routinely makes negative comments about their own bodies, it may be a cry for help. The thought changes discussed in this exercise are difficult to follow through with, so help received from an outside source can be invaluable. Start by picking a relaxing setting and begin perhaps with the observation “I notice that you often make negative comments about your appearance. Is there something deeper that you might need to talk about?” Sticking up for the unconditional worth of others in addition to yourself can be a powerful force that gives them the help and support they need to effect positive changes in their internal perceptions of their appearance.

Made It through

I've made it through my second term as a graduate student. Unfortunately, I didn't manage it quite as gracefully as I'd hoped I would. I have a feeling that I was a little bit of a whine burden on several of my friends. For the most part, they were supportive and let me vent, but it couldn't have been much fun for them to hear me complain about something I chose to do.

Based on this experience, I have a couple of spring term resolutions.

I will begin on my projects at an early point in the term so that they can get done at a more leisurely, non-stressing pace.

I will not over stretch myself with extra-curricular activities. Mostly, this applies to not letting myself be bullied by one of my roommates, because I am a person and not his own personal source of entertainment. He chose to work four 10 hour days and have Friday off every week, and he's chosen not to have any hobbies that he can do where he lives. It is not my obligation to entertain him, especially when I want to be doing something else. He's a grown man, and can stop acting like a 10 year old spoiled kid.

I will go to more Aikido. On the surface, this may seem to contradict the above resolution, but it really doesn't Aikido is more than just something to do, or physical exercise. It's also a mental conditioner, and it helps me focus and relax so that I am more effective at other things in my life. Luckily, I don't have any more class schedule conflicts with evening Aikido practice, and with the sun setting later I'm more inclined to go to the later class on on Mondays.

Finally, I will remember the power of knitting. I am currently about half way through Socks Part Deux, and having a project helped me get through my final projects. When I get frustrated, I can escape to the rhythm of the stitches, it helps me relax and decompress at the end of the day before I try to sleep, and I feel a sense of accomplishment as the fabric flows off the needles as I go. During spring break I will be over-dyeing several balls of yarn in anticipation of knitting Amused, a sweater from the winter 2008 Knitty.com.

That's all I have for now. The end of term, papers are due NOW NOW NOW depression has lifted, and I think it's time to go cook dinner and have a nice cup of tea.