Compliments

Sometime last year, I read a disturbing article in a woman's magazine (it may have been Cosmopolitan). This article, which was not very long, said that women today use negative statements about themselves and other women to bond. In a social setting, one woman may start out by saying "I hate my hair" and then the expectation is that all of the other women will chime in with a negative statement about themselves. Groups of women (and individual women) also use negative statments about other women. The theory is that by degrading another women, the social standing of the degrader will rise.

This, to me at least, seems like a terrible social cycle that women allow themselves to be drawn into. Not only does focusing on the negative create a perpetual feeling of depression, but by using negative statements, whether about ourselves or another woman, the depression is spread to other women and the cycle of negativity continues. Also, many of the "negatives" that are focused on are socially constructed negatives. Having a loved one killed in a car wreck is a negative. Starving children in every contry is a negative. Not being able to fit into a size 2 is not a negative. Unfortunately, women spend so much time focusing on false negatives that we don't have the time or energy to focus on things that actually need fixing.

Think of all the time you've spent looking in a mirror picking out "flaws" in your figure. Now imagine if you'd spent that time making sandwiches or blankets for the homeless. Add up all the money you've spent on "it" clothes that don't fit because you have a healthy body weight (that society labels as "fat") and imagine how it could have been spent on helping to build a daycare center for low income mothers. Both time and money can really add up.

The trick to starting social change among the society of women is to stop the negativity at the source. Next time someone says to you "I hate my fat thighs," instead of coming back with "Yeah, I hate that my middle toe is so short" stop the negativity by paying her a compliment. Next time you're in the store lamenting that you don't fit into a pair of skin tight jeans but you're thinking of buying them anyways, stop and think what that $40 might be used for that's more productive, even if you just put it in your savings account. If you try to do a few little things every day, and encourage the women around you to positivity, eventually it will add up, and the world we live in will be a better place.