One of the classes I'm taking this term for my minor is "Women and Leadership." For this class we were required to take the StrengthsQuest evaluation, which is run by Gallup, to determine where our individual strengths lie. The idea behind this is to focus on building your strengths instead of focusing on weaknesses, which can often lead to less success or even failure. The evaluation consisted of a series of paired descriptors, and I had to choose which one best described me. After 35 minutes, I was done and assigned my top five strengths. They were, in order:
Intellection
Learner
Ideation
Empathy
Input
At first I was leary of descriptors consisting of made-up words (intellection?), but after reading the descriptions I feel that I was well categorized.
In short, what my five strengths say about me is that I am a constant thinker, I love to learn and come up with new ideas, I can empathize well with others, and I seek input to further my goals. It did not surprise me in the least that I did not have any of the strengths related to connecting well with other people. I've know almost my entire life that this is an area of weakness for me.
I have often been plauged by feelings of guilt over the amount of time I spend by myself just thinking. I usually feel like there are other things I "should" be doing, such as being out in the world and meeting people. But when I give up my thinking alone time I quickly become miserable and frustrated. Now I have a better idea of why that is, and why my alone time is so important to me. I'm not going to become a hermit, and I am going to continue working on overcoming my fear of meeting new people, but I won't feel guilty when I just want me time to think things over.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Feeling Good
Last night, accompanied by 2 of my male roomates (I acutally live in a separate sturcture behind the house, but roomate is the best word I have for theses people) I started conquring my fear of being seen. Specifically, my fear of being seen in a bathing suit.
After dinner, the three of us decided that a soak in a hot tub sounded like a wonderful idea. I remembered that it was free week at the campus recreation center (one of the roomates isn't a student) so we decided to head down. This was a trepedatious moment for me, because while shaving my legs in preperation (I don't shave above the knee often during the winter) I also shaved my bikini line so that I wouldn't have to wear shorts.
To clarify why this is a "big thing" for me, I haven't worn a swimsuit without some sort of shorts since I hit puberty. I've either worn shorts over a one piece, shorts over a two piece, a two peice with boy shorts, or shorts over my boy shorts. In college when going out in the field I wore a one piece, shorts, and jeans so that when I came out of the water, I could strip down to the shorts. This urge to cover up is two-fold. On the one hand, I'm not so good with a razor and usually decide to forego bikini shaving. I also have thighs that are of a size that I prefer not to share, complete with some dimpling. I, in fact, look like the naked women painted in the 1500s.
So I shaved all the way up, and put on my only swimsuit. This happens to be a one piece, black racer back suit, because when I swim, I don't mean I lounge around in a chair to be looked at. I get in the water, put goggles on my face, and swim laps. I packed my goggles, flip flops, and I threw my shorts in the bag just in case.
When I got to the gym, though, I decided I didn't want to wear shorts. I'm not ashamed of myself, or at least I'm trying to not be ashamed of myself. Suddenly, wearing the shorts seemed like admitting to the world that I had a shameful part of my body that needed covering.
I slipped on my filp flops, grabbed my goggles and towel, and walked out into the pool area. I ended up swimming 4 full laps, doing a full lap of kicking, was in and out of the hot tup 3 times, and had a wonderful time. Yes, I was still self-concious, but I didn't give in to it. In the future, I know it will now be easier to go to the pool by myself to swim, without shorts.
After dinner, the three of us decided that a soak in a hot tub sounded like a wonderful idea. I remembered that it was free week at the campus recreation center (one of the roomates isn't a student) so we decided to head down. This was a trepedatious moment for me, because while shaving my legs in preperation (I don't shave above the knee often during the winter) I also shaved my bikini line so that I wouldn't have to wear shorts.
To clarify why this is a "big thing" for me, I haven't worn a swimsuit without some sort of shorts since I hit puberty. I've either worn shorts over a one piece, shorts over a two piece, a two peice with boy shorts, or shorts over my boy shorts. In college when going out in the field I wore a one piece, shorts, and jeans so that when I came out of the water, I could strip down to the shorts. This urge to cover up is two-fold. On the one hand, I'm not so good with a razor and usually decide to forego bikini shaving. I also have thighs that are of a size that I prefer not to share, complete with some dimpling. I, in fact, look like the naked women painted in the 1500s.
So I shaved all the way up, and put on my only swimsuit. This happens to be a one piece, black racer back suit, because when I swim, I don't mean I lounge around in a chair to be looked at. I get in the water, put goggles on my face, and swim laps. I packed my goggles, flip flops, and I threw my shorts in the bag just in case.
When I got to the gym, though, I decided I didn't want to wear shorts. I'm not ashamed of myself, or at least I'm trying to not be ashamed of myself. Suddenly, wearing the shorts seemed like admitting to the world that I had a shameful part of my body that needed covering.
I slipped on my filp flops, grabbed my goggles and towel, and walked out into the pool area. I ended up swimming 4 full laps, doing a full lap of kicking, was in and out of the hot tup 3 times, and had a wonderful time. Yes, I was still self-concious, but I didn't give in to it. In the future, I know it will now be easier to go to the pool by myself to swim, without shorts.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Year
In Western, United States culture, it is traditionto make New Years Resolutions on the first of each year. For most of my life I rebelled and made no resolutions. In the years after I graduated college, however, I have started to make a few resolutions each year. I've found that considering resolutions for the coming year is an excellent way for me to look back over the previous year with a more objective eye than when events were current and consider the direction I'd like to take my life. This year, in addition to making resolutions, I've also decided to share the rational behind each resolution that I've made. By putting the rational in print, I think I will be able to have reasonable, achievable goals for this year.
Resolution 1: Improve my eating habits.
I'm not implying with this resolution that my current diet is "wrong" or "broken." I currently eat lean meats, limit beef consumption, eat small portions, vary my food, and eat slowly. Where I need improvement is in the quantity and quality of the fruits and vegetables I eat. I also tend to struggle with eating a nutritious and satisfying lunch.
I started working on this particular resolution during this past December, so I will be simply reinforcing the new behaviors I'm aquiring.
Resolution 2: Swim.
When I started graduate school this past fall, I decided to start swimming at the campus gym pool. I pay for they gym in my student fees, so I might as well use the facilities. However, I never once made it in to the building, much less the pool. The main thing that kept me out of the pool was a fear of being seen in a swimsuit.
This year, I'm going to conquer that fear, because there is no reason for it. I can't stop crass, shallow minded people from making disparaging comments if they want to, but I don't need to let these "people" influence my behavior or self-esteem.
I enjoy swimming. This alone is enough of a reason to start, but it's also beneficial for my cardiovascular health and will improve my muscle tone. So this year, I will take advantage of the facilities and swim.
Resolution 3: Stay within my budget.
Being a graduate student and practically unemployed (6 hours a week doesn't do much), I have limited financial resources. I have lived on a limited budget for a couple of years now, and I'm fairly good at it. I have a fairly solid cash system, and I'm on the brink of budgeting forward completely. I live happliy without many of the luxuries that many (U.S.) Americans consider essential, such as cable TV, eating out, and manicures. But even with all of this, I still manage to spend a couple hundred dollars more than I can really afford each month. This year, I'm going to work hard at coming in at budget each month. My first strategy is to stop carrying my credit cards.
Resolution 4: Learn to knit backwards.
I love learning new knitting techniquest (also sewing, photography, and jewelry techniques). Normally, knitting flat pieces consits of working stitches down a row, moving them from one needle to another. At the end of the row, the work is turned around so the receiving needle is now the donating needle. I knit the most common way, with my stitches moving from the left needle to the right needle. Knitting backwards is a technique where, when reaching the end of a row, instead of turning the work, the knitting is worked from the right needle to the left, or "backwards." I'm planning to use this new technique when I learn to knit entrelac.
I'm sure I will make many other hobby related advances this year, but this is the only specific one I've considered. The rest will happen as the will.
Resolution 1: Improve my eating habits.
I'm not implying with this resolution that my current diet is "wrong" or "broken." I currently eat lean meats, limit beef consumption, eat small portions, vary my food, and eat slowly. Where I need improvement is in the quantity and quality of the fruits and vegetables I eat. I also tend to struggle with eating a nutritious and satisfying lunch.
I started working on this particular resolution during this past December, so I will be simply reinforcing the new behaviors I'm aquiring.
Resolution 2: Swim.
When I started graduate school this past fall, I decided to start swimming at the campus gym pool. I pay for they gym in my student fees, so I might as well use the facilities. However, I never once made it in to the building, much less the pool. The main thing that kept me out of the pool was a fear of being seen in a swimsuit.
This year, I'm going to conquer that fear, because there is no reason for it. I can't stop crass, shallow minded people from making disparaging comments if they want to, but I don't need to let these "people" influence my behavior or self-esteem.
I enjoy swimming. This alone is enough of a reason to start, but it's also beneficial for my cardiovascular health and will improve my muscle tone. So this year, I will take advantage of the facilities and swim.
Resolution 3: Stay within my budget.
Being a graduate student and practically unemployed (6 hours a week doesn't do much), I have limited financial resources. I have lived on a limited budget for a couple of years now, and I'm fairly good at it. I have a fairly solid cash system, and I'm on the brink of budgeting forward completely. I live happliy without many of the luxuries that many (U.S.) Americans consider essential, such as cable TV, eating out, and manicures. But even with all of this, I still manage to spend a couple hundred dollars more than I can really afford each month. This year, I'm going to work hard at coming in at budget each month. My first strategy is to stop carrying my credit cards.
Resolution 4: Learn to knit backwards.
I love learning new knitting techniquest (also sewing, photography, and jewelry techniques). Normally, knitting flat pieces consits of working stitches down a row, moving them from one needle to another. At the end of the row, the work is turned around so the receiving needle is now the donating needle. I knit the most common way, with my stitches moving from the left needle to the right needle. Knitting backwards is a technique where, when reaching the end of a row, instead of turning the work, the knitting is worked from the right needle to the left, or "backwards." I'm planning to use this new technique when I learn to knit entrelac.
I'm sure I will make many other hobby related advances this year, but this is the only specific one I've considered. The rest will happen as the will.
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